We Were ‘Us’ Before We Were Mami and Papi

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 11:19am |

DiggyDaddy

My wife and I recently celebrated 10 years as a married couple. Add to that 10 years “dating” (is there a cut off period for using the word dating?) and it’s clear we’ve been together a long time.

Our first six years as a married couple were child-free and the last 5 have been all about pregnancy, long nights, diapers, and of course - little bits of paradise.

Now, this could be the place I write something like, “and I’m amazed that my wife has put up with me for all these years.” But I won’t. I think I’ve been a good husband and a pretty great dad; barring all the mistakes, back tracking and moments of utter confusion on both fronts. Still, I’m pretty proud of myself.

I have to say that I am very lucky to have such a wonderful partner and mother for my children. I am surer now than ever that this is the woman I want to grow old with and continue to learn with. Thank you wife for helping me be a better man and father.

We went away for a weekend to celebrate. Not far but far enough to feel like we were away. It was a romantic get away complete with…our two boys.

Ok, maybe not so romantic. I’m sure Mami and I could have managed to leave the boys somewhere but a celebration of our life together seemed like it should include our children.

We have had so many years together without kids that spending our free time with the boys still seems right.

That having been said, there is a change in the air. I think we are due for more Papi and Mami time - alone.

I’m glad to say that we have reached the point where we do take a Grownup’s Night Out occasionally. We’re working our way toward overnighters.

Our grownup nights are actually more like Parent’s Night Out because we usually get together with old and new friends who have children.

For parents with younger kids, like us, Parent’s Night Out is a kind of survivors group. If you can make it to dinner or lunch than you must have survived the minefield of possible missteps and misfortunes parents are exposed to when they are all dressed up with somewhere to go.

When we have Parent’s Night Out it is clear to all that getting out the front door was a huge accomplishment. And not everybody makes it.

Parent’s Night Out sample scenario:

Parent 1

(Arriving amid hugs and smacks on the back)

Hey, great to see everyone.

Parent 2

It’s good to see you. Let’s eat.

Parent 1

But where are Diego and Frida? (Names picked at random)

Parent 2

(Unblinking silence)

Parent 1

(Aware that something has gone wrong)

Oh, they didn’t make it, huh?

What happened? Was it…a tantrum?

Parent 2

…Yup.

Parent 1

One kid or two?

Parent 2

Two

Parent 1

Ouch

Parent 2

(Looking Solemn)

And I was just talking to them an hour ago. They seemed to so happy. I think they were all dressed up.

Parent 1

(With sincere regret and just a pinch of glad it wasn’t me)

Man, they almost made it.

Parent 2

(So over the moment)

Yea, almost…anyway let’s party.

A few months back we had a Parents’ Nights Out for a friend’s birthday. It was great. No kids. Just the grown ups. Talk about letting loose with the pent-up grownup frustration. There was music playing from the 70’s thru the 90’s and couples were laughing and flirting in a way that usually brings on, “Stop it. The kids are watching.”

But not that night, baby! The dance floor was all about Mami and Papi. I hope I never see the video of me trying to relive dance moves from back in the day. But it was a great time.

More recently we got together for another friend’s birthday. Just the grown ups. Italian dinner and great conversation was on the menu. We ate, drank and made with the merriment. I think we even got a little too loud as closing time approached.

It was another great night. It was also one of those “We need to do this more often” moments. There was some discussion about organizing Parent’s Night Out on a more regular basis but to date no one has organized anything.

Maybe it was just the wine talking or the way the stars were aligned, or the wine talking, that made us think that the moment could last forever. But soon enough we had all back to our ordinary routines.

Still, the memories dance in my brain: seafood pasta, laughter and intelligent conversation where no one is screaming, “Papi, tell him to stop touching me!”

As much as I love being with my boys, and because I love them, I know that Mami and I have to work for more alone time. I know that when we have taken time for ourselves we end up holding hands at the end of the evening.

I believe that first we are husband and wife and then a mommy and a daddy. A happy Mami is a happy Papi and visa versa, which equals happier kids (this formula may not always hold true on those grumpy-boy nights, or grumpy-Papi nights, but you get the general idea).

I’m honored to be able to share my life with Mami and that she has chosen to share hers with me. Together we are building a life that we believe our boys can learn from. I think we’re doing a good job.

I love you wife and happy anniversary. I’m grateful for our time together and we will work on more alone time; an important point for any couple with kids.

The Daddy Life at Diggydaddy.com

I couldn't agree more!

Submitted by Anonymous on Sat, 01/30/2010 - 10:16am.

I couldn't agree more! althought sometimes difficult to accomplish, mami and daddy time is very important. The Funny thing is...when my husband and I spend time alone, often the main conversation is telling stories about all the "cute" things our daughters say or do! I also, agree with the formula of happy parents=happier kids. Children have this special radar for sensing what their parents are feeling and if the see us happy it automatically makes them happy too. Our daughters are 3 and 7years old now, but when they where younger I used to feel a little guilty purpously planning time away from them till I ralize it was something very important for "me" as well as "them".

So true. We find ourselves

Submitted by DiggyDaddy on Sun, 02/14/2010 - 12:27am.

So true. We find ourselves talking about them too. I think what makes it a good thing is that no one else gets the funny, frustrating, loving and silly moments like the other parent. It is a special thing to share.

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